Iron-ATB

When we see Ironman we see a hero with no defects or weak spots. He's cool, sleek and powerful. What hides beneath the impenetrable mask?

In reality, the outfit is just an exoskeleton. Inside the shell, there is a man with all his feelings bottled up. Do we not sometimes don our mask in order to hide our true feelings in order to avoid getting hurt? People might see us as an outgoing person with not a care in the world but the truth might be completely different. We might be hurting inside and have no real desire to go through what appears to be an uneventful day. Hanging out with friends and doing different activities helps to keep our mind distracted but we still feel hollow... incomplete. How many people can really see what's going within us?

Do we just use the armor as a crutch in order to affront the day? Does wearing the armor help us feel better? Are we like Tony Stark in the way that by using the shell we can feel invincible only if it lasts a few moments? We know that in the end we are vulnerable. We can't deny that it is a defense mechanism, we've been hurt before and we become more weary of the next situations in which pain may be inflicted. Can we heal from the exterior inwards? Maybe having a stronger exterior image helps us build more confidence. I highly doubt it. We can fool others but we can never fool ourselves.

I truly believe that we have to heal inwards first. While this slow process takes place, I'll be using the exoskeleton for a while hoping that I can heal soon and don't become addicted to the mask. After all, is it not better when we can show everybody who we really are? Being our true selves gives us freedom.

Sticks and Stones

Funny how places can change. I'm not talking about the place in itself but what they represent in our lives. What once was a happy fun place can become an empty sad place. It doesn't matter how beautiful the place is, the experiences that you lived there determines the way you will look upon it. Memories are so powerful.

The past weekend I went for a walk around Eastbourne, not too far from Wellington. I had been wanting to go back for quite a while since it's a special place in my life. I wanted to relive the good memories that it once brought me. It would've been more enjoyable if that special person was with me still. I wanted to go back there with her.

However strong and compelling it was to pick up a stick and whack some stones towards the sea, I couldn't find myself with the drive to do so. Something so easy and natural to do, something that you do as a kid all the time has somehow become difficult. Last time I did it, not only was it easy and fun but it was awesome!! I was sharing one of those moments that you'll never forget in your life. No matter how many years are to come, it will be ingrained in your mind as if it were just yesterday. There had been a bet to see how many stones could be hit with a stick at one go. I was impressed when the count totaled 9 in a row.


The day was perfect. We would run a few meters ahead from the rest of the group and steal kisses from each other. Nobody knew yet about our relationship and hiding around made it even more exciting. One of our first photos together was taken on that day. A piggy back ride was the last thing we did on that walk. we never made it to the lighthouses but it didn't matter. It couldn't get any better than that.

Memories aside, this trip I did on the weekend was shared with a group of friends who come from different parts of the world. I think that most of my friends are foreigners really so it comes as no surprise. Most of them had never been in this area before and they quite liked it. I got to see the lighthouses too! To be honest, it is a nice place despite the memories. It will never be the same again.

Ink

So..... I'm thinking of maybe getting some ink done. Guess what it would be? It still needs a bit of tweaking but this is the general idea. Why ATB you ask? Over the past weeks I've discovered that ATB represents my inner emotions. I've been using him to express all those things that have been deep inside of me. He's my alter-ego I guess.

Rage

Sometimes we can't control things in our lives and that really frustrates us. But when this frustration escalates due to an accumulation of other frustrations, we get angry and if we can't vent this anger, then it turns into rage!!

Not too long ago, I was in rage. I felt like I needed to destroy something to make me feel better . At the same time, I was aware that by doing such a thing it wouldn't help things, it wouldn't make it any better. At what point does someone lose control and lets Mr Hyde take over Dr Jekyll? What has to take place in order for our Hulk to appear and leave our Banner in the shadows?

My Banner hass always been present fortunately, except on two occasions where I have been pushed to the point were my interior Hulk exploded. This story will come as no surprise for I think we've heard it many times before or we know someone who has gone through something similar. I was your typical dweeb in junior high; short, skinny and with glasses. I would be bullyed by a taller and stronger guy and his posse. He tried to steal my book once, as well as my lunch and he just didn't seem to get enough fun out of the daily violence he would direct my way. As usual, during a break between classes, he approached our group and was about to start picking on us when all of a sudden something clicked inside of me.

It all happened so fast, I didn't realise what I was doing, this raw energy came out of nowhere and made me jump towards him. Somehow I had grabbed him by the neck with an arm and had pulled him down and started ramming his head against a wall. All of this just took seconds. He wasn't really hurt but because it took him by surprise, it really shook him up... and me too.

I only remember coming back to myself when they had separated the fight. I was trembling and couldn't understand what had happened. Some people were patting me on the back and giving me the thumbs up but I was scared of what had happened. Never had I experienced such a thing. After that, he cooled down and gave me and my friends some space. Now I don't think that violence solves anything and I've always considered myself a pacifist. I think reason and logic is the way to go. But that day I learned that you have to stand up for yourself and not let people push you around. My inner Hulk had come out of the shadows and showed me this. It's quite ironic that, at first glance, an image of complete brute force with no clear reason, such as the Hulk, can be conidered a hero.

Violence isn't the way. Rage, being such a fantastic force should never be used. My Banner is in control and he prevails. No matter how much rage I might feel, my Hulk has been kept quiet.

I had a kitty cat... but she ran away

One moment she was there, the next, she was gone. The question is, will she come back? most importantly though, I think the true question is Was she ever mine? Did I ever have her?

I read a poem once that said something like "...if you own something, let it go, if it doesn't come back, you never had it...." So true.

UPDATE: Please don't think that I'm trying to say that a person is a thing and that you can own them. This is just a figure of speech. My memory doesn't serve me well so I don't know the exact words and I originally read it in spanish. But the main idea is that every one has their freedom and if they decide to come back, it's because they really want to be with you. I had to put inthis paragraph after someone read it and telling me like I seemed to be possessive by using this phrase. I apologize for any misunderstanding, I was only pondering about her love.

Ducky

My sister has started taking cake adornment classes just recently. It seems like something completely random but I'm getting used to this kind of behavior. She's always doing random things so it shouldn't take me by surprise that she's embarking on this activity now. I guess she wouldn't be her if she didn't shock us with a different activity every so often.

The list is endless but some of the things she's experimented with include capoeira, design, sculpture, painting, writing poems, business, websites, piano, flute, mandolin, guitar, etc etc etc. She's really talented, just needs to find some direction sometimes. I'm sure she'll keep on looking for something that will spike her interest if cake decorating doesn't capture her attention for too long.

Anyway, her son is about to celebrate his first birthday and I get the suspicion that this is one of the main reasons why she got into the class in the first place. She has decided to make a cake and decorate it using all the knowledge she's accumulated so far. Since I can't be with my sister's family to celebrate the little guy's first year, my sis asked me to come up with some design for the cake.

It didn't take me too long to come up with something, I remember a picture that was taken when Smiles (my nephew) was younger. He had just been in the tub enjoying a bath and was really upset about having to leave the warm water. He was all tucked in a baby towel a in the shape of a duckling. Boy was he upset!! As a matter of fact I think that's one of my favorite pictures of him. No need to explain how Angry Teddy Bear ended up wearing something similar.

wallpapers

Tattoo

Patrick Nagel has been an inspiration to me ever since I saw his work for the very first time. I remember seeing his work displayed everywhere during the late 80's. It wasn't until I was much older that I found out who he was and why everybody seemed to be trying to imitate his style. He illustrated the pages of Playboy for many years and he also made an album cover for Duran Duran. Even in the Spider-Man comic book you could find a homage to him, Peter Parker had an original Nagel in his living room that MJ had given him as a gift. It would seem that every beauty salon would have his prints hanging on their walls as well. He painted and screen printed the most beautiful faces of the day back then, top models and celebrities would appear as his models.

He had a very particular style, a blend between Art Deco and the simplicity of the Japanese wood prints. Although his work seemed clean, simple and very stylized there was a lot of energy coming through the canvas and screen prints. The amount of colors used in every piece would be limited and yet he knew how to find a perfect way to bring life to his work.

My illustration didn't start out as a Nagel drawing, actually, it wasn't until I finished that I realized that it reminded me of his work. I don't think it looks very 80's though, especially with the combination of the tribal tat and the Angry Teddy Bear street design. I think you can find very similar things today all over the place and maybe a big portion of all the material out there was influenced by Nagel.

even more iPhone wallpapers

Pink

More iPhone wallpapers!

iPhone wallpaper

Five more iPhone wallpapers!!

iPhone, Apple, Macs

Over the past few days I've been designing wallpapers for my iPhone. I really don't know why it hadn't ocurred to me before. So I went through some of my pictures I have stored so far on my hard drive (5,689 to be precise) and selected a few that would be interesting enough to make into a wallpaper. Most of these pictures are from 2008 although there are a few that are from my trip to Canada over a year ago. I have 3 years worth of pictures I still have to backup onto my hard-drive so I'm sure I'll come up with more iPhone wallpapers. Help yourselves to them, they free!! hehehe.

Tomorrow Apple will be announcing new stuff about the iPhone and possibly a few thing or two about the Macs. It seems very probable that they will be mentioning something about the new operating system. Snow Leopard maybe?

Day 12

For the past few days there hasn't been much going on. I've been heading home after work, reading a book and working on a rug. Nothing very exciting really. Just chilling. I've calculated that it'll take about 500 hours to finish the rug. I've had the kit laying under my bed for 3 1/2 years, it's about time I finish this project. I'll post the picture once it's completed. Estimated date: ??/??/20??

Day 11

June 2. 10 am. These flowers have been living in my room for 3 weeks now. It's amazing how long they have lasted. When I started thinking about this project, these flowers were one of the first things I took a picture of. If you look back, you'll be able to see them in a better condition. Could it be that the winter cold preserves them a bit longer?

Day 10

June 1. 1 pm. Decided to go to the Wairarapa region, just outside of Wellington and over the Rimutaka range. First stop was having lunch at a vineyard, Coney was the name of the place. For lunch I had a really nice lamb shank and the rest of the guys had cajun fish, fetuccini carbonara and some kind of chicken. I think we were all quite happy with our meals. After some wine tasting (which I skipped of course) we headed towards the Pinnacles. A rocky formation that has been filmed in two of Peter Jackson's movies. The most known one would be the Return of the King where Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas walk through the Valley of the Dead. From here, we headed towards Cape Palliser, which I think is the southern most tip of the North Island. On the way you can find seals lying almost on the road. There weren't that many since it's not that time of the year yet, but once we get into the thick of winter, the place will be full of seals. Once we spent some minutes with the seals, we headed to the lighthouse and took some quick snapshots. Then we drove toward Lake Ferry where I was promising the gang that we would find one of the best culinary experiences I've had in New Zealand. I think almost everybody who has gone to Lake Ferry has had the Fisherman's Plaetter. A huge assortment of delicacies from the sea served to you freshly in a nice old fashioned pub! Oh boy, were we in for a surprise.... the pub was transformed into a hotel and they don't serve the Fisherman's platter anymore. We had to conform to a meal in Martinborough. Meh.

Day 9

May 31. Around mid-day. View from my bedroom. The day was supposed to be rainy and cloudy but turned out to be much better than expected. A bit cold though. In the background you can see Mt Victoria.